Philip “HAWK” Hawkins doesn’t just dream about killing vampires – He eats, sleeps, drinks and freakin’ breaths it. After getting kicked out the Army for staking a fellow soldier with a blunt two by four, Hawk almost dies of boredom working as a night security guard at a deserted warehouse in his hometown of Santa Muerte, California – USA. Just when it looks like all Hawk’s options in life have expired – Filthy blood-sucking vampires appear. And of course – Nobody even freakin’ believes him. With his back up against the wall, his sweaty Karate Kid headband on and hordes of blood-thirsty murderous vampires closing in, Hawk enlists the help of the one person who kind of believes him – Revson “REV” McCabe, a dimwitted, vegan-pacifist groundskeeper. Together they join forces to save the whole entire freakin’ world. Well – At least their hometown anyway.
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When Ricky Miller, a single, quiet 40-year old aspiring writer and manager of Debbie’s (think Denny’s) and probably the last person you’d notice in a crowd is ‘hit by lightning’ and meets the love of his life, the beautiful Danita on E-Happily.com, he is catapulted into a relationship online but it’s a lot more than what he bargained for – this includes being asked to kill! Hounded by his best friend Seth who thinks no “10” would even go out with a guy like Ricky unless she had ulterior motives (or needed glasses), Ricky starts to get skeptical himself. Turns out, Danita confesses she’s actually married to a handsome affable crime novelist and former Rabbi, Ben Jacobs. Is Danita telling Ricky the truth when she says wants to leave her husband but fears for her life if she does? Will Ricky go through with the plan to kill him so he and Danita can live happily ever after?
A sudden loss disrupts Carol’s orderly life, propelling her into the dating world for the first time in 20 years. Finally living in the present tense, she finds herself swept up in not one, but two unexpected relationships that challenge her assumptions about what it means to grow old.
This movie is a great compilation of the very silliest clips from some of the most awful “bimbo movies” of the past twenty years. It is laughably cheap. The only things added are some subtitles, dubing, and music. Made up from such fine films as “Assault of the Killer Bimbos”. They are stringed together to form a “plot” about aliens. Lots of pointless nudity, but it is somewhat well-paced. Stay for the final credits, which the narrator narrates.
After the unexpected death of his best friend, a man examines his life and finds it incredibly lonely. Inspired by an encounter with a beautiful and sexy model, he embarks with his three friends on what turns out to be a crazy (and slightly stupid) endeavor on a path towards fulfillment.
When young Fool breaks into the home of his family’s greedy and uncaring landlords, he discovers a disturbing scenario where incestuous adult siblings have mutilated a number of boys and kept them imprisoned under stairs in their large, creepy house. As Fool attempts to flee before the psychopaths can catch him, he meets their daughter, Alice, who has been spared any extreme discipline by her deranged parents. Can Fool and Alice escape before it’s too late?
Although a successful romance novelist, Terry Russell hasn’t had luck in her own love life. After a disastrous first date with cocky, hot-shot New York chef Matthew Everston, she retreats to her friend’s French villa for the summer to finish her latest novel, with her reluctant teenage daughter in tow.
A sexy and hilarious spoof about a couple who have just moved into a new home to consummate their relationship, but find peril around every corner due to an evil presence that haunts them whenever they attempt to be intimate.